school

actually ytd i wanted to create a post..typed everything..but com hang..haha..den i give up alr..=x..
can he and i really be friends again?..hmmm..i dunno..i guess there will be a gap there between us..i need courage to overcome the gap..can i really make it?..
i guess i will not be there to support for him for his july performance..i wanted to go..but..i tink is best i dun go..i dun have anymore confidence to get into any relationship again..
hmmm..i tink i am a lousy person..haix..there are alot of tings i dunno how to do..i dunno how to console ppl when they are feeling down..i dunno how to make them feel better..i dunno how to talk..i dunno how to express myself..there are so many things i dunno..feel so lousy..so tired now..feel tired abt my life..
today had 2 hours of break b4 the INFA lecture..is lyk so long..hahas..went to KAP mac eat lunch..after tat went to plaza to watch chewie they all play pool for abt 30 mins..i tried a few shots..but cannot make it..hehe..need practice..=)..seems fun though..2 hour flies..so fast..
den went back Np for lecture..the lecture ver boring..i neber listen to it..so sleepy..so lil ppl turn up for the leature..i tink is less than 1/2..pathetic..hahas..after that went for workshop..get back our papers..didn't do ver well..quite sad..but pass..left OCOM habent take back..wonder if teacher will give ma..tmr still have to go back to sch to do some projects..sian ar..weekend cannot relax..hahas...this term everything is moving so fast..i couldn't catch up..need to speed up..=x..

*tired*

Feeling numb

ytd night cried till i sleep..i dun even know wad time i slept..i only know tat my eyes look so swollen..haix..my eyes very tired now..in the morning while waiting for the bus to come..i cried again..so embarassing..everyones' eyes is lyk on me..
after tat met shi fu at woodlands interchange..i tried to hold back my tears..but memories kept pouring..i carn be helped..tears still drop..shi fu tried to cheer me up..but i really not in the mood..sorry..but he ver funny..lol..made me laugh abit..
felt better..at least not so painful anymore..=)..thanks..now i feeling numb..or no more feeling..was it a good news?..hmmm....
went for CIP lesson..btw CIP stands for Computing & Information Processing..all abt computer..i am computer idiot lo..hehe..took back our common test paper..i was ver surprised for the marks i got..i tot i will fail..ver difficult..in the end got 41/50..haha..so happy..i like classes..it will distract me from all the unhappy tings..the teacher also quite funny..=)..we had hands on session on macromedia dreamweaver..all abt making websites..i was lost..i didn't know how to do..den i gave up..lol..went to surf the net..read some blogs..i need help!..who willing to teach me..
i skiped 2 lectures..OCOM and CIP..haix..say not skipping le..in the end still skip..lol..i tink i need some rest..tats y today so early reached home..i need some sleep..really very tired..i dozed off in the bus..hehe..taking my nap soon..=)..


*sleepy*

break up

relationship is over..i dunno wad to blog abt..my mind is so confused..not is in my mind..i wanted to cry..cry out loud..tears keep pouring out..i need some time to quieten down..used the whole packet of tissue..no strength..i'm out of strength..i guess after some time i will be ok..i have no mood for school tmr..wad kind of mood am i going to bring to school..i'm so confused..
my media player have been playing one song..jay's 'shan hu hai'..to tink abt it..there are alot of differences between us..just lyk wad is in the lyrics..we're not meant for each other..
u know how much courage i need to say all the words..heartache..when u told me u felt tat too..and earlier..it saddens me..y dun u tell me earlier..at least it wont be so painful..my heart is now flooded with tears..feeling headache now..we shouldn't even started..there are too much differences between us..it was so painful..
i tink i should be happy rite?..it all ended..peacefully..i'm thinking of wad mood i should bring myself to school tmr..i wanted pretend nothing happen..can i?..i will try my best..tears filled my eyes..i carn even see wad i typed onto the screen..i guess i have to go..carn slp today..i tink..will i?..tmr still have early school..gambate..i will be strong..

signing off..
*crying*

happy happy

today the first day of school..very tired..6.15am woke up..bring my sis to sch..on the way saw alot of CHRians..ah..i missed the days at CHR..i wan to go back..wear the uniform..see the teachers..missed all my teachers..wanna thank them..=)..after that went back home..carn get to slp..too much tots le..maybe too excited for sch..lol..
I was late for school..so bad..i everytime late for the lesson..i tink teacher also very irritated already..haha..carn be helped..but so pai seh..i enjoyed the time today with my classmates..they were so wonderful..love them..haha..
after the break went for BSTAT lesson..get our common test results..so excited..my result not bad..wahaha..so thick skin rite?..lol..but i was happy happy..got 44/50..hehe..but it was open book test..not ver satisfied..carn see wad i can really do..i still must work harder..gambate..no rest for me..=)..i can get so well all thanks to shi fu..hahas..thank you so muchhhh!..hehe..

school

ah..tmr sch reopening le..i now have mixed feelings..lol..happy to go sch..cos can see all my wonderful classmates..*wink*..unhappy cos hmk piling up..hahas..i habent do my INFA hmk..hehe..i think i had enough rest..its time to work hard..gambate..>.<..luckily tmr sch start at 11..can slp late..lol..i tink i cannot skip lecture le..so bad rite..=)..hmmm..come to think..this holiday didn't do anything much..the story book i bought i habent even read..dunno when i will have the time to touch them..O.0..getting our common test result soon..i so excited..dunno how i did..hope i pass all..carn wait..gonna slp lo..

signing off..
*excited*

breaking free

lets talk something abt me..hehe..have you envy anyone?..i wonder..i do envy ppl..we envy ppl because we want to be lyk them?..or because they have the things that u don't have?..
i envy ppl who can express themselves well in the ppl arnd them..the way they speak out their minds easily..can i be lyk them?..i wished i could..i guess i was scared to hurt anyone by saying the wrong things..i am always careful with my words..i wanted to speak out my mind easily..i'm trying now..i really hate the quiet me..
i have met alot of fun ppl..i have to learn a lot of things from everyone..=)..
shi fu..thanks..u have added alot of noises in my life..haha..and all the ppl arnd me..thank you..i'm trying to break free from my old self..a new me may be out anytime..lol..sounds lyk promoting a toy..=)

signing off

*trying hard*

Holding you tight

everyday slept so late..Omg..i really becoming a big panda already..ytd still chat with li ping till 3.30..haha..den slept at 4 plus..carn get to sleep..lol..my mind running wild..=)..after thinking thru..i decided to hold on to the relationship..yipee..i carn escape anymore..=x..i have been escaping..didn't know wad to do..hahas..i'm glad i have tot thru..thanks to the friends arnd me..esp li ping and sha..love you..muacks..i guess i need more courage..hoping to be more talkative..lol..hmm..maybe i am too worried abt saying the wrong tings..izzit ok to speak my mind out?..=)..someone tell me..maybe i'm too shy..i am trying ver hard..give me some time..i hate the shy me..i feel lyk missing alot of fun..=x..wish me good luck den..lol..

just found a new song..ver nice..from a movie called 'high school musical'..i tink tat is very nice..carn wait to share it with u all..btw..it is showing this sunday i tink..on disney channel..haha..i know..is childish..but i tink it will be a great movie..no harm watching it..=)..

*yawns*..feeling sleepy..nice weather now..i tink is abt to rain alr..woot..sweet dreams to me..hehe..habent had a nice slp these days..now is my chance..nitez everyone..=)

Where Did I Go Right?

added a song to my blog..hope u all likes it..=)..i tink is quite nice..by one of my favourite singer..hilary duff..lol..she rocks..

Where Did I Go Right?

I'm always too late,

I see the train leavingI'm always laughing,

when its not cool to smileI'm always aiming,

but somehow keep missing

So how did u get here,

something is wrong

Where did I go right,

How did I get you

How come all this blue sky is around me

and you found me

Where did I go right,

How did I get you

I don't know how I did,

but somehow now I do

I'm always driving,

forget where I'm going

Should have turned left but I'm singing some song

I'm am arriving as everyones leaving

But then you were waiting,

something is wrong

Where did I go right,

How did I get you

How come all this blue sky is around me

and you found me

Where did I go right,

How did I get you

I don't know how I did,

but somehow now I do

Makes no sense to me,

no it isnt clear but somehow your standing here

Something gets to me,

it said nothing is wrong

nice song and lyrics right..hehe..actually wanted to upload another song..also by hilary duff..is called 'someone's watching over me'..the song very meaningful..lol..next time ba..enjoy..=)

housechores

phew..did most of the housework today..tired..haha..wash the clothes..hang the clothes..ironing..i didn't know have so many clothes we have..haha..not enough bamboo poles too..hehe..my hands become so dry alr..ah..must put lotion..hehe..gonna help my sis file all the poa notes le..hehe..
wad a busy day..

*busy*

Another day..

another day past..did nothing today..surfing the net..read blogs..i saw 1..i tink wad she wrote reflects on my feelings now..:
'u know whats the worst feeling anyone can feel right now?it is to supress ur sorrows, ur heartache, your heartbreak, swallowing back ur tears refusing to alow it to flow, and tasting its saltiness in the process.u feel like crying real badly, but u cant, cos there r ppl around u.'

'its weird how love can actually cause harm.when u love someone so much, u dun want the person to be harm in any way.u try to protect, u try to shelter.but the more u love, the more u try to protect, the more harm u are actually bringing upon the person indierectly.u told me i am already embedded in ur heart.that makes me even more afraid that u will lie to me certain stuffs just to ensure i am ok.u want me to be ok , u want to protect me but i am so afraid its at the expense of ur own welfare and the truth.i rather know the truths even when it is harsh.i just dun want u to bottle up stuff and bring harm upon urself even more.i dunno when can i fully believe the things u tell me,not that i dun trust u,its precisely that i trust u that u love me so much as a bro that u will want to take care of my welfare, protecting me from harm.'-Blue

i feel exactly the same way..somehow..i wish i could forget everything..EVERYTHING..

feeling better

its 2:04..hmm..im still awake..lol..as normal..wished school could start earlier..so my mind won't think of so many nonsence..school keeps me busy..hehe..
feeling better le..thank you sandy, peiling, yong an..and many many more..thanks for ur concern..love u guys..haha..really made my day..=)..

colour test

just read a blog..found this colour test..the results quite true..haha..can give it a try..this is my result:..

shan's Existing Situation
Attracted by anything new, modern, or intriguing. Liable to the bored by the humdrum, the ordinary, or the traditional.
shan's Stress Sources
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.
shan's Restrained Characteristics
Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood or adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement.
Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity, but tries to avoid conflict.
shan's Desired Objective
Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics skillfully so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermining others' confidence in herself.
shan's Actual Problem
Fights against restriction or limitation, and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts.
shan's Actual Problem #2
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

give it a try:..http://www.colorquiz.com/

Fathers' day

Today is father's day..Happy fathers day to all papa..haha..wished i could buy a cake for my dad..haix..but no use..i can no longer celebrate fathers day..sobsob..all the child..PLS..turn to ur dad and say 'i love you'..they will feel very pleased..=)..i regret not doing so..i wanted to shout..'daddy..u're the best..i love you!'..
Today went shopping with qiaoling and ruiting at far east..haha..actually i decided not to buy anything de..but is impossible..haha..all the things very nice..in the end spend 50++..haix..bankrupt already..=x..


*regret*
Happy Fathers' Day..>.<..
Love daddy..

Night life

After en qi's birthday celebration.went to experience night life with my sis..haha..its her boss farewell party..boss going back to Finland..so she invited me go..*winks*..it was a pub opposite madam wong..
my sis ordered a lot of different drinks..i drank:

1. 1/2 glass canberry black current
2. 1/2 glass of vodka lime
3. sip of whiskey water
4. 1 glass of vodka rabina..(forgot how to spell)

still have somemore..i forgot le..=)..abit drunk..or izzit tired..lol..carn differenciate..but i still can update my blog..haha..not bad rite..i tink is tired only ba..eyes closing soon..=x..i tink vodka lime and rabina taste better..*wink*..hmmm..the whiskey water taste lyk plain water at first..but after awhile den u can taste the whiskey..my sis say the whiskey water too dilute already..hehe..i tink is ok..i abit shy there..all the ppl i dunno..but they quite friendly..had alot of fun today..yippe..=)..

tink its time to sleep..carn take it anymore..=x..nights everyone..tmr still need to wake up early..going out with ruiting and qiaoling..haha..long time neber see already..going shopping..yeah..but tink not going to buy alot of tings..no money le..sobsob..

*yawn*..

Happy birthday En qi

Happy birthday en qi..2 years old already..haha..by the way..en qi is my niece..ah..went to SRC club to celebrate her bitrthday..actually wanted to go swimming..haix..but last minute cannot go..(gals ting)..=)..my mood went down..haha..
went there ate lamb chop and chicken wings..yum yum..*grins*..den en qi come and join us after she finished her swim..shes so CUTE...the way she eat her chicken wings and ice kachang..lol..shes so clever..
actually wanted to play bowling after dinner..sobsob..no lane already..so went up to the ktv room my sis booked..didn't sing..i know i carn sing well..=x..en qi kept holding the microphone and shouted 'hello'..everyone there laughed..she kept asking other ppl to say 'hello hello'..*smiles*
en qi kissed me on the cheek with all the chocolate on her mouth..haha..sticky sticky..wad can i do..shes so cute..i tell u..she knows how to serve ppl with the cake..and shes only 2 years old..izzit she clever..
ah..if can..i try to upload her photo..so CUTE..=)

After the celebration went to a pub with my sis..

Cutie

Ah..it's already 1 pm..carn get to slp..haix..wonder wads wrong with me this few days..slept mostly at abt 2 to 3 am..keep turning around on the bed..eyes carn close..but i feel abit tired now..=x..
Later have a lot of activities worx..is my niece birthday..going to SRC to celebrate..the underground swimming pool was great there..long time neber go already..missed my niece..she's so CUTE..if can i try to take photo of her..hehe..bought a pink winnie the pooh small cushion for her..hope she will like it..lol..=)..
*yawns*..i tink is time to slp..must wake up early tomorrow..hope will have a great day later..=)




*sleepy*

1st month anniversary

ah..today was the 1st month anniversary..remember the day when dear pop the qns..wahaha..so excited..keke..my body feels hot..=)..too happy..haix..but he not here to celebrate with me..habent come back..where are you?..lol..hope that there will be more anniversary to celebrate..*winks*..
made 2 avatar b4 i went out today..the gal is me..and boy of course is dear lo..hehe..




















haha..nice?..me in my short hair..made dear 'cool'..muahahaha..
missed the days together..wanna c him rite away..lolx.

*huggies*

Cut hair

Went to trim my hair at jean yip..the hair dresser said my hair too much..carn be helped..haha..cannot cut finish..hmmm..but i tink no difference leh..my hair still look so much..i want to keep my hair long again..haix..hehe..
Today happened to read juliana's blog..and i found something very fun+nice+interesting..haha..is to create ur own avatar..woot..i made 3..got addicted le..make me wanna go shop for clothes..haha..all the apparel so nice..wished i had them..
Let me show u the 3 i had made:..i plan to make more..lol..

















*winks*

Because of you

Recently i kept listening to kelly clarkson's song ' because of you'..Loved the song..got a lot of feelings when listening to the lyrics..


[The same mistakes that you didI will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery]

[Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust not only me,
but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid]

[I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with]


why are we affected other people..our feelings..our attitude..our actions..why do ppl hurt you..dun they noe that it will be very painful?..do they know that certain words can be painful..do they feel it..the pain..wad can we do?..pretend that we didn't hear..pretend that it doesn't matter to us..[forced to fake a smile, a laugh]

But

sometimes they make your day..

don't they?..

thats life..=)

*princess was here*=)

Full house

Watched 'Full house' the whole day today..haha..still not yet finished..very nice show..LOVE it so much..cried through some of the episode..hmmm..so touching..Loved the songs too..Rain can be cute sometimes..lolx..=)..
hmmm..after watching i had a thought..
why carn 2 hearts be together..why must there be obstacle..why carn they just admit they love each other..hehe..obstacles make us strong rite?..wad if we give up..
wad kind of obstacle will i face?..will i be able to handle it?..or will i give up..=x..

*troubled*

Raining!

Its raining again..miss dear more..wahaha..haix..but nice weather to sleep..lol..didn't notice that its already so late..3.45am..and im awake..begin to feel sleepy..*yawns*..=)..will tomorrow be a better day?..gonna slp..or really become a panda..haha..nitez to alL..

*yawns*
*huggies*

Missing you

It has been raining the whole day, don't feel very good. Played game the whole day..wahaha..
Didn't get the chance to say byebye to honey..he went overseas in the morning..and i was Sleeping..haix..should have wake up and at least send a msg to him..sobsob..wonder if he brought his phone..hehe=)..
Begin to lose my sleep..today the whole room will be mine..haha..not used to it..mum and sis went to chalet..carn get to slp..somemore i missed honey's voice..his warmth and many many more..wished could see him now..lol..=)..
i tink i will become a panda when he come back..haha..
on the radio..hope can help me get to slp..haha..all the nice song..how can i slp..=x..

MISS YOU so much..=)

Shopping shopping!

Ytd went to watch movie with Bin and all at cathay cineplax..watched 'The omen'..quite a scary movie..for me..haha..some parts was so sudden and disgusting..i was breathing so hard as i watched..i rmb 1 part when Jamie shouted 'rox' haha..too high le..was ver fun..enjoyed alot..lets have more outings..wahaha..=)
Went shopping today with sharon and audris to orchard and bugis..phew..had a long day..tired..=)..bought alot alot of things..going bankrupt le..shopping really kills..haha..i think i need to save alot le..haha..must control on what i buy..
but i had a great day..long tine neber shop so long le..haha..some of the things really worth buying..lol..tats y i bought alot..bought 2 books..holiday have things to do le..lol..or else i will rot..=)..
Dear going overseas..saddies..sobsob..gonna miss him..hehe..hope to c him soon..=)..gonna slp le..=x

princess was here*
Nitez

Yipee!=)

yipee..tmr will be my last paper..haha..den can go shopping..lol..carn wait to shop..must contribute to the economy..hehe..anyone wanna go with me?..=)..
today i got shi fu to teach me BSTAT today at mac..saw his red hair..so red..from far sure can notice him de..haha..he still say not red..look lyk Ronald Mac..oppsy..no offence..haha..i tink he teach me can vomit blood le..nice venn diagram shi fu..haha..should have taken a pic of it..so cute..hehe..must keep as memorial..muahaha..carn stop laughing when he started to draw the diagram..must ask him to draw again..lolx..but i tink i did quite ok for the paper..thanks shi fu..=)..need your help in MIEC again..hehe

*gonna study for the last paper alr*
must work hard for the last time (till now)..haha..
TA08 the BEST..
Love u guys..lets work hard together..

Common test

Phew..had my INFA test today..i tink i did quite ok..hope i could pass..hope can at least get a 'B'. den i will be very happy le..haha..ohh..next few papers i tink i will do badly..i dun understand the content and lectures..HELP..anyone..keke..

I wanna watch the movie 'she's the man'..anyone wanna watch with me???..it seems to be nice..haha..gotta study lo..wish me good luck..=)

Love you guys

Haha..thank you guys for ur care and concern..shall i name u all?..keke..thank you..angela.shak.sandy.jimmy.yong an.and many many more..i was so touched..knowing that u all beside me..i have more strength and courage to move on..dun worry for me..i will carry on with my life and will never forget u all..muacks..=)

Today went to eat with my lovely classmates..wahaha..food was quite nice..but the ghost story wasn't nice..haha..so SCARY..esp Shak's..keke..let's have more gathering..haha..enjoyed so much..

Opps..tmr INFA common test..help..habent study..hope to do well..let's all get AD..wahaha..
TA08 rox..lets work hard together..

shan was here*
gonna study lo..wahaha..
i wan holiday..so jealous.hehe.

Sadness in my heart

Haha..was so excited..my first blog..keke..no photographs till i buy one camera..haha..which will only happen when i'm rich..
Haix..this few days dun feel very well..memories keep coming back..felt lyk crying..sobsob..anyone lend me a shoulder?..
Juz lyk to share it with all of u..=)..

It all happen 3 yrs ago..it really change my life..haix..to tink abt it..it really sadden my heart..there it goes..

That day..when i reached home..i was informed that my daddy was sent to the hospital..he had stroke..omg..i was stunned..i quickly grabbed the phone and dialled my mum's no.
i could hear her voice shaking..she cried..i could not go the hospital till at night..
Worse..it happened during the SARS period..haix..the control of the hospital was so tight..only a litmited ppl can go in and visit my daddy..
Finally..it was my turn..i went in..saw him lying on the bed..breathing very hard..all the diff kind of machines around him..could not open his eyes..he was unconcious..u noe..my heart was lyk being torn into pcs..so pain so pain..

Days past..we went to the hospital almost everyday..no improvement at all..haix..one night..we received a call from the hospital..the nurse told us that my daddy may not survive till that night..we quickly rushed to the hospital..i prayed hard not to let anything happen to him..prayed prayed..

That was the last night i saw him breathing..the next afternoon..he was gone..FOREVER..it all happened so sudden..he didn't even said a word b4 he leave us..u noe it was so pain so pain..till now..

Haix..life is short..so pls..treasure those around u..dun ever take them for granted..

Hope it wasn't too boring for u..but..phew..felt much better..
i want i thank..'ting..dear..WZ..shi fu..haha..SF..bin'..for ur concern..love u guys..

signing off..
haha..gonna study for common test..
i habent study..opps..keke..
wanna listen a song?..called the concession of a broken heart..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bYYjoHv5mA